January 1, 1999
The King And I (1999) *
Directed by Richard Rich. Fans of Rogers and Hammerstein will have a hard time recognizing their favorite musical: there are fearsome dragons, playful monkeys, last-minute rescues in balloons, and fat clowns getting their teeth knocked out. The songs are still there, but even such standards as "Shall We Dance" and "Getting To Know You" are performed very poorly. Kids might like it, but adults would be better off renting the 1956 live-action classic starring Yul Brynner.
Jacob The Liar (1999) *
Directed by Peter Kassovitz. With Robin Williams, Alan Arkin and Nina Siemiaszko. This lame comedy about the Holocaust is an inevitable, but unfortunate consequence of the world-wide success of Life Is Beautiful. Williams plays a Jewish man in German-occupied Poland who tries to cheer up his friends by inventing stories of Soviet troop advances. The humor seems forced, as the filmmakers are clearly afraid to push the enveloppe, settling for safe and familiar jokes (like that perennial anecdote about Hitler dying on a Jewish holiday).
The Best Man (1999) *
Directed by Malcolm D.Lee. With Taye Diggs, Nia Long and Morris Chestnut. I heard the best man had once slept with the bride... I bet the groom isn't very happy about it.... Will the wedding be called off? Somebody told me they had a fight... Did you see that bruise under his eye? They should make that into a movie, man ...
Double Jeopardy (1999) *
Directed by Bruce Beresford. With Ashley Judd, Tommy Lee Jones, and Bruce Greenwood. Ridiculously contrived, badly directed thriller about a beautiful young woman (Judd) falsely convicted of murdering her husband. Having spent six years in prison, she is determined to settle the score, knowing she can't be convicted again for the same crime. There might be a feminist message buried underneath this pile of cliches, but digging it up is a fairly hopeless exercice.
10 Things I Hate About You (1999) *
Directed by Gil Junger. With Julia Stiles, Heath Ledger and Larissa Oleynik. A failed adaptation of The Taming Of The Shrew. It stays with Shakespeare for exactly five minutes, the time to introduce the main characters and sketch the rough outlines of the plot, but then plunges head on into the muck of the most tired high school pic cliches. While some female characters are very interesting, the film can't quite escape its sexist origins.
The Very Thought Of You (1999) *
A romantic comedy about three friends falling for the same woman (Monica Potter).
Notting Hill (1999) *
Directed by Roger Michell. With Hugh Grant, Julia Roberts and Rhys Ifans. A mawkish, saccharine fairy-tale about a secret romance between a glamorous movie star (Roberts) and a gentle bookstore owner (Grant). There are a couple of amusing supporting characters (a dirty slob of a roommate, a wacky sister), but the leads are hopelessly boring.
Anywhere But Here (1999) *
Directed by Wayne Wang. With Susan Sarandon, Natalie Portman and Bonnie Bedelia. Forever embarassed by her eccentric mother (Sarandon), a young Wisconsin girl (Portman) finds it difficult to feel at home in sunny California. But, this being a typical Hollywood melodrama, she overcomes all the usual obstacles and gradually comes to accept her mother's love and possessiveness. Bottom line: fine acting, so-so script, and a critical shortage of original ideas.
The Out-Of-Towners (1999) *
Directed by Sam Weisman. With Steve Martin, Goldie Hawn, John Cleese and Rudolph Giuliani. Annoying slapstick farce about two hicks from Ohio (Martin and Hawn) arriving in New York City and getting in all kinds of troubles. Highlighs include...actually, there are no highlights, just plenty of tired, familiar routines (hanging from balconies, getting arrested, being chased by dogs...). Cleese reprises his Basil Fawlty persona playing an obnoxious hotel manager.
Payback (1999) *
Directed by Brian Helgeland. With Mel Gibson, Maria Bello and Deborah Kara Unger. An extremely unpleasant black comedy about a sadistic gangster (Gibson) fighting against an entire crime syndicate. The main motif of this picture is pain: every human interaction involves either a whipping, a gunshot, a bite, a smack, an explosion, or some other form of severe bodily harm. It's clearly meant to be funny, but it provokes about as much hilarity as a root canal without anaesthesia.
Random Hearts (1999) *
Directed by Sydney Pollack. With Harrison Ford, Kristin Scott Thomas and Bonnie Hunt. There are three different movies here; and all equally bad. There is a psychological drama about a man discovering his wife's infidelity. There is a thriller about police corruption. And there is also a romantic melodrama about a cop falling in love with a congresswoman. The film is alternately boring (the pacing is quite sluggish) and downright ridiculous (especially during the loves scenes between Ford and Scott Thomas).
Love Stinks (1999) *
Directed by Jeff Franklin. With French Stewart, Bridgette Wilson and Tyra Banks. It's not everyday one gets a chance to see the most mysogynist movie of all time! This mind-boggling piece of sexist hate propaganda features a manipulative blonde bimbo (Wilson) first trying to marry a rich guy (Stewart) and then saddling him with a palimony suit when he refuses. The account is so unbelievably one-sided, it could have only been written by a vindictive macho loser, recently dumped by his girlfriend. Deservedly so.
Never Been Kissed (1999) *
Directed by Raja Gosnell. With Drew Barrymore, Molly Shannon and David Arquette. An awful teenpic about a Chicago reporter (Barrymore) working undercover as a high school student, trying to frame an ordinary teacher in a sex scandal. There are some gorgeous babes who like to dress as Barbie dolls, and weird lectures about sex (courtesy of Molly Shannon), but the plot has more holes than a Swiss cheese and smells just as bad.
My Favorite Martian (1999) *
Drected by Donald Petrie. With Jeff Daniels, Christopher Lloyd and Elizabeth Hurley. Mindless, boring and incoherent comedy about a visitor from Mars (Lloyd) befriending a TV reporter (Daniels). There is one exciting car chase that begins on the street, continues through a sewer pipe and ends inside a toilet bowl. It serves as a perfect metaphor for this abysmal kiddie fare, where low-brow humor rules, and any sign of intelligence is ruthlessly exterminated.
Light It Up (1999) *
Directed by Craig Bolotin. With Sara Gilbert, Forrest Whitaker and Usher Raymond. Rebellious students take over a inner-city high school, holding a cop hostage and making political demands for better learning conditions. It's a weird film which tries to accomodate three very different genres: a "heroic teacher" melodrama like Dangerous Minds, a hostage thriller like The Negotiator and an Old Left political drama like Medium Cool. Needless to say, it utterly fails to reconcile their widely divergent goals and styles.
Muppets From Space (1999) *
Directed by Tim Hill. With Kermit, Miss Piggy and Gonzo. It turns out Gonzo is really a space alien, left accidently on Earth by his family. And now his folks are back desperately looking for him. A puppet/Muppet version of Close Encounters Of The Third Kind. Younger kids might like it, but adults beware. Katie Holmes, Andie McDowell and Ray Liotta make brief and totally unmemorable cameo appearances.
Message In The Bottle (1999) *
Directed by Luis Mandoki. With Kevin Costner, Robin Wright Penn and John Savage. Ridiculous is the only word that can accurately describe this sappy melodrama about a Chicago journalist (Wright Penn) romancing a North Carolina shipbuilder (Costner). The fact that the old seawolf is still grieving for his late wife somehow makes him incredibly attractive to her. Lots of handkerchiefs with be soaked with tears of sentimental suckers who ought to be laughing hysterically instead.
Mansfield Park (1999) *
Directed by Patricia Rozema. Frances O'Connor and Embeth Davitz star in this frustratingly modern re-telling of Jane Austen's most brilliant, yet least popular novel. Unconditional Austen purist will be shocked by the cavalier attitude Ms Rozema has taken towards a literary classic, turning positive characters into monstruous villains, while totally eliminating Austen's uniquely subversive wit and replacing it with shrill, victimologist rhetoric.
The House On Haunted Hill (1999) *
Directed by William Malone. With Geoffrey Rush, Famke Janssen and Taye Diggs. Half a dozen annoying (and greedy) morons agree to spend a night in a haunted house in order to win one million dollars. Dumb and very predictable, the film might be creepy, but not particularly scary. In fact, the protagonists are so unbelievably obnoxious, their gruesome deaths come none too soon for me.
Happy Texas (1999) *
Directed by Mark Illsley. With Steve Zahn, Jeremy Northam and William H.Macy. A good-natured, but ultimately failed farce about two convicts on the lam who find themselves in a small Texas town hosting a beauty pageant for little girls. The film carefully avoids any narrative compulsions, focusing squarely on its protagonists, and trying desperately to squeeze every ounce of humor of out of their predicaments. Unfortunately, there is no chemistry between Zahn and Northam. The latter's foppish-dandy mannerisms are just plain annoying and they hardly fit with Zahn's clenched-teeth-and-burning-eyes approach to comedy acting.
For The Love Of The Game (1999) *
Directed by Sam Raimi. With Kevin Costner, Kelly Preston and Jena Malone. An aging baseball player (Costner) has an affair with a writer (Preston). It's an amalgam of every Hollywood cliche under the sun, presented raw, without any self-reflexive irony to cushion the blow. The only bright spot is Malone (Bastard Out Of Carolina, Stepmom), wonderfully underplaying her bit part as Preston's rebellious daughter.
8MM (1999) *
Directed by Joel Schumacher. With Nicolas Cage, Joaquin Phoenix and Chris Bauer. A private investigator (Cage) tracks down people who have been involved in the making of a gruesome snuff movie. "8MM" is clearly fascinated by its subject matter, but far too hypocritical to admit it. Instead, it lamely tries to sound morally outraged, exploring the ethical aspects of snuff filmmaking and coming up with a truly Earth-shattering verdict: snuff pornographers - bad, people who kill them - good.
Dudley-Do-Right (1999) *
Directed by Hugh Wilson. With Brendan Fraser, Sarah Jessica Parker and Alfred Molina. Even Fraser's goofy smile can't save this totally inane adaptation of Jay Ward's classic cartoon series about a Mountie. All jokes fall flat and there is an air of embarassing desperation about the whole thing.
Doug's 1st Movie (1999) *
Directed by Maurice Joyce. Hopefully, the last one too, 'cause Doug's just a wimpy moron with a dumb girlfriend. Trying to expose a terrible pollution problems, he befriends a gentle lake monster. Compared to this, The Rugrats Movie is a major work of art.
Dog Park (1999) *
Directed by Bruce McCulloch. With Natasha Henstridge, Luke Wilson and Janeane Garofalo. The plot of this lame romantic comedy offers a tangled web of ridiculously contrived relationships and coincidences involving dog owners of both sexes chasing after each other. The untangling of those threads represents the only form of narrative there is, leaving the film with nothing but atrocious dialogue and some truly embarassing acting to keep itself occupied. Pratically every line consists of illogical and bewildering utterances, all blissfully unconnected to each other.
The Pornographer (1999) *
Directed by Doug Atchinson. This film manages to be sleazy and moralistic at the same time.
Dick (1999) *
Directed by Andrew Fleming. With Kirsten Dunst, Michelle Williams and Dan Hedaya. You don't have to be a Republican to hate this lame and politically misguided flick about two teenage girls working in Nixon's White House. Trying to find humor in the Watergate scandal, the film ends up turning everybody (from Nixon to Woodward and Bernstein) into creepy buffoons. To quote from the film itself, "You suck, Dick".
Ride With The Devil (1999) *
The American Civil War in Missouri. Southern guerillas fighting against Federal troops.
Simply Irresistible (1999) *
Directed by Mark Talov. With Sarah Michelle Gellar, Sean Patrick Flanagan and Dylan Baker. A singularly inappropriate title for a simply awful movie about a perky chef (Gellar) trying to seduce a department-store executive (Flanagan). She cooks him some tasty dishes, they both float around like balloons, he suspects her of being a nasty witch, and...you get the picture. Some ideas might have been stolen from "Like Water For Chocolate", but this film is terrible in its own inimitable way.
Snow Falling On Cedars (1999) *
Mélodrame de Scott Hicks. Avec Ethan Hawke, Youki Kudoh, Max von Sydow, Sam Shepard. Scott Hicks, le réalisateur du célèbre "Shine", nous présente une autre drame sérieux, nostalgique et très charmant. Cette histoire d'amour en temps de guerre se distingue également par une reconstitution d'époque assez fidèle. Condamnant le racisme à l`égard des Americains d'origine japonaise dans les années 40, le film est à la fois simple et mélodramatique: lui, un jeune yankee sensible (Ethan Hawke); elle, une immigrante japonaise opprimée (Youki Kudoh). Ils s'aiment depuis leur enfance. Les préjugés de l`époque vont-t-ils les separer à tout jamais? Le récit est présenté en flashbacks, avec beaucoup des scènes au ralenti et des paysages hivernaux pleins de mélancholie.
Crazy In Alabama (1999) *
Directed by Antonio Banderas. With Melanie Griffith, Meat Loaf and David Morse. Griffith stars in a bizarre road movie/black comedy as a crazy Southern belle who kills her husband, packs his head in a hat box and finds fame and fortune in Hollywood. Meat Loaf co-stars in a political drama as a brutal redneck sheriff from Alabama who kills a black Civil Rights protester. Apparently, some drunken Hollywood screenwriter thought it would be funny to juxtapose these two very different stories in a single movie, creating a truly mind-boggling mishmash.
Stigmata (1999) *
Directed by Rupert Wainwright. With Patricia Arquette, Gabriel Byrne and Jonathan Pryce. A yet another Exorcist clone, only this time, a woman is possessed by the spirit of a heretic priest. The plot also involves a mysterious apocryphal Gospel, written by Jesus Christ himself, which could destroy the Catholic Church. Whatever. The film is only remarkable for its gory imagery and some kinky innuendos.
Superstar (1999) *
Directed by Bruce McCulloch. With Molly Shannon, Will Ferrell and Harland Williams. All those die-hard Saturday Night Live fans who went to see A Night At The Roxbury (all 12 of them) will undoubtedly storm the theatres again to catch this latest SNL comedy sketch being forcibly stretched to a feature-length format. And this time, it's Molly Shannon's turn to make a complete fool of herself, playing Mary Katherine Gallagher, that annoying Catholic schoolgirl forever flashing her white panties and fluffy thighs. Needless to say, the movie sucks.
The 13th Warrior (1999) *
Directed by John McTiernan. With Antonio Banderas, Omar Sharif and Diana Venora. An Arab ambassador (Banderas) joins a posse of Viking warrior fighting against cave-dwelling, dead-flesh-eating savages. A dreadfully tedious, totally uninvolving drama with little action, plenty of gore and annoyingly pompuous dialogue.
Three To Tango (1999) *
Directed by Damon Santostefano. With Neve Campbell, Dylan McDermott and Matthew Perry. An idiotic sitcom about an architect (Perry) who must pretend to be gay, because otherwise an evil tycoon (McDermott) wouldn't let him hang around his mistress (Campbell). It was probably pitched as "a gay Born Yesterday with that babe from Party Of Five - yeah, the one with bunny teeth - screwing that handsome lawyer from The Practice - no, not the fat one - and falling in love with that hunk from Friends - you know, the one who's sleeping with Monica".
Trippin' (1999) *
Directed by David Raynr. With Deon Richmond, Maia Campbell and Guy Torry. An all-black cast in an all-boring farce about a shy high-school jock trying to ask a girl to the prom. What could have been a cute and charming romantic comedy quickly degenerates into an annoying mess, punctuated by a series of pointless and pretentious erotic fantasies. Films about male libido should be either very tasteful or totally tasteless - anything in between risks to alienate both sides.
The Bone Collector (1999) *
Directed by Philip Noyce. With Denzel Washington, Angelina Jolie and Queen Latifah. A poor-man's Seven, with a similar plot premise (serial killer playing cat-and-mouse games with cops by leaving obscure clues on crime scenes), but none of the earlier film's gritty imagery and shocking plot twists. Washington plays a paraplegic police expert, who asks rookie cop Jolie to be his arms, legs, eyes and ears, as they investigate a series of grisly murders. Routine and unmemorable.
Blast From The Past (1999) *
Directed by Hugh Wilson. With Brendan Fraser, Alicia Silvestone and Sissy Spacek. Fraser plays a man born and raised in a nuclear fallout shelter, who finally leaves it after 35 years, and sets out to explore the real world. A yet another movie that compares the contemporary moral values with those from the 1950's. But unlike "Pleasantville", it takes a purely reactionary position. Silverstone's acting ability revolves around one existential question: to pout or not to pout.
200 Cigaretes (1999) *
Directed by Risa Bramon Garcia. With Ben Affleck, Christina Ricci and Courtney Love. Do you really want to see a dozen neurotic New Yorkers trying to decide which party to attend on New Year's eve? Or even trying to find (or keep) a date? This episodic, vaguely altmanesque pic has plenty of losers to ridicule. Not surprisingly, since with pick-up lines like "How do you like your eggs in the morning, scrambled or fertilized?", they don't score very often. It's quite funny, but also strangely unpleasant - something of a misantroPic.
Bicentennial Man (1999) *
Une comédie de Chris Columbus. Avec Robin Williams, Embeth Davidtz, Sam Neill, Oliver Platt et Wendy Crewson. Chris Columbus, réalisateur de "Home Alone" et "Mrs Doubtfire", nous présente une autre comedie qui célébre la famille. Adaptée d'une nouvelle d'Isaac Asimov, c'est une histoire d'un robot domestique surnomée Andrew (Robin Williams) qui voudrait devenir humain. Aidé par son propriétaire (Sam Neill) et par un inventeur (Oliver Platt), Andrew developpe lentement son inteligence et son génie créateur. Et puis, il tombe amoureux d'une femme humaine (Embeth Davidtz)... Beaucoup trop sentimentalle et souvent très déprimante, cette allegorie sur l'esclavage n'est pas du tout une réussite. Trop philosophique pour les enfants, et trop simpliste pour les adultes, "Bicentennial Man" risque de décevoir plusieurs. Mais avec une vedette comme Robin Williams, son succès au box-office est presque garanti.
Adapted from a story by Isaak Azimov, it's a story of a domestic robot (Williams) who strives to become human. Viewers beware - this cholesterol-rich cornucopia of saccharine sentimentality will clog your arteries, rot your teeth, and turn your brain to mash.
Universal Soldier: The Return (1999) *
Directed by Mic Rodgers. With Jean-Claude Van Damme, Michael Jai White and Heidi Schanz. A giant computer goes beserk and leads an army of cyborg soldiers in an open rebellion against authorities. Van Demme plays a heroic soldier who saves the day while romancing a TV reporter and trying to cure his sick daughter. Plenty of gunfights, fistfights and nifty explosions, punctuated by a truly atrocious dialogue.
Besieged (1999) *
Directed by Bernardo Bertolucci. With Thandie Newton and David Thewlis. A pianist falls in love with a refugee woman from Africa.
Bats (1999) *
Directed by Louis Morneau. With Lou Diamond Phillips and Dina Meyer. An absolutely awful, painfully unpleasant film about giant bats feasting on human flesh and trying to take over the world. Apparently, some crazy scientists have enlarged their brains hoping to use them in some ghastly medical experiments. The makers of Deep Blue Sea should sue for plagiarism, and so should the estate of late Alfred Hitchcock, because many scenes were shamelessly stolen from The Birds.
Virus (1999) *
Basically an inferior remake of "Deep Rising", with an identical High Concept idea - a bunch of morons fighting against an evil creature aboard a vessel abandoned in the middle of the ocean. The creature, an alien from outer space, consists of scrap metal pieces mixed with various body parts. It looks like the cyborg from The Terminator put together by Pablo Picasso. The cast is uniformely horrible; everyone is either yelling or screaming or becoming suspicious or plotting something nasty.
The Bachelor (1999) *
Directed by Gary Sinyor. With Chris O`Donnell, Renee Zellweger and James Cromwell. O`Donnell plays a confirmed old bachelor who has to get a wife, fast... or loose a 100 million dollars inheritance. It's a remake of Buster Keaton's "Seven Chances" (1925), with some key scenes lifted from another of his comedies, "Cops" (1922). Wildly uneven, the film has only a few genuinely funny moments. Best of all are O`Donnell's eccentric (and often downright psychotic) ex-girlfriends.
Babel (1999) *
Directed by Gerard Pullicino. With Tcheky Karyo, Maria de Madeiros and Michael Jonasz. An evil tycoon (Karyo) tries to kill a little boy who befriends some ugly gremlins living in the sewers. If this isn't the worst film of all times, it certainly comes close. An absolute monstruosity - horribly acted, badly written and incompetently directed. Too creepy for little kids, too boring for adolescents and far too stupid for adults. A one-of-a-kind cinematic disaster.
Babar The King (1999) *
Directed by Raymond Jafelice. Unless your tots are still in diapers, they're unlikely to be impressed by this pedestrian animated feature about a smart elephant ruler. It's basically a prequel to the TV series, tracing Babar's rise to power and dominance. Visually, the film tries to imitate the paintings of Raoul Dufy, but it fails miserably. The animation is very poor.
At First Sight (1999) *
A maudlin drama about a blind man (Val Kilmer), who manages to recover his sight. This film has the distinction of featuring three of the worst performances in the history of cinema. Never before have I seen actors feel more awkward, confused and unable to express even the simplest of emotions. Kilmer just grins like an idiot, Kelly McGillis settles for a frozen expression of disapproval, while Mira Sorvino acts like a monkey in front of a mirror. Winkler must be the worst director of actors since Ed Wood Junior.
Angel In A Cage (1999) *
Directed by May Jane Gomes. With Damon D'Olivera, Maurina Gomes and Tony Nardi. All talk. Boring talk. Characters from a hopelessly dated melodrama - a bad husband, his bored wife and her favorite (and handsome) cousin. Please! And it's all set on a tropical island in the Caribbean, so there are some nice shots of coconut trees.
Wing Commander (1999) *
Directed by Chris Roberts. With Freddie Prinze Jr, Saffron Burrows and Matthew Lillard. In the 25th century, while humans are fighting nasty aliens across the galaxy, a rookie pilot (Prinze) falls in love with his wing commander (Burrows). An inferior imitation of "Starship Troopers", with similar characters and dramatic situations, but none of the earlier film's wit, political satire or erotic tension. It's just a feature-length video game with spaceships racing from one star system to another.
The World Is Not Enough (1999) *
Ravenous (1999) *
Directed by Antonia Bird. With Guy Pearce, Robert Carlyle and David Arquette. A bloody tale of murder and cannibalism in a remote outpost in the Sierra Nevada mountains in the 1840's. Gory and meaty, the film was clearly made by militant vegetarians. But a hilariously inappropriate banjo music score undercuts the most dramatic scenes. Not scary enough for a horror movie, and much too somber for a black comedy.
Runaway Bride (1999) *
Directed by Garry Marshall. With Julia Roberts, Richard Gere, Joan Cusack and Rita Wilson. Typical Hollywood mash about a pretty boy (Gere) meeting a pretty girl (Roberts). They bicker, fall in love, bicker again, and finally reconcile. We laugh, we cry, and the next day we forget everything about the movie. It's as insignificant as a speckle of dust on my bookshelf.
The Love Letter (1999) *
Romantic problems of middle-aged women in a small town: love-hugry females (Kate Capshaw, Ellen DeGeneres, Blythe Danner) hunt for romantic males (Tom Selleck, Tom Everett Scott).
Lost And Found (1999) *
Directed by Jeff Pollack. With Sophie Marceau, Patrick Bruel and David Spade. Brainless, witless and tasteless farce about an all-American loser (Spade) trying to score with a gorgeous French chick (Marceau). But he has to compete with her ultra-suave, evil ex-boyfriend (Bruel). To make the plot more interesting, Spade kidnaps Marceau's little pooch and tortures him throughout the film. If you like dog poop jokes, brace yourself for a huge treat.
Lake Placid (1999) *
Directed by Steve Miner. With Bill Pullman, Bridget Fonda and Betty White. A giant crocodile takes over a small lake in Maine, devouring everything in sight. A colorful menagerie of weirdos tries to hunt him down. Plenty of amusing one-liners, a couple of dismembered bodies, and some nice scenery. Golden Girl Betty White steals the movie as a psychotic grandma.
Jawbreaker (1999) *
Directed by Darren Stein. With Rose McGowan, Rebecca Gayheart and Julie Benz. There are those girls, see, and one of them, like, dies. But those girls were, like, very popular and stuff. But see, that other girl, she was like nice, you know, so that at the end, the bad girl, people are so mean to her. And the film is like, you know, it sucks. But anyway, the girls are so cool, but their hair, I don't know, it doesn't look great. And it was, like, boring. And that guy who, you know, the director, was like, stupid or something. And like, there were no cute guys or anything.
Inspector Gadget (1999) *
Directed by David Kellogg. With Matthew Broderick, Rupert Everett and Joely Fisher. A lame (though extremely fast-paced) kiddie "Robocop" rip-off, with Everett at his usual debonair best playing the villain. It's like that obligatory scene in every James Bond movie where Q shows off his latest high-tech gizmos, but stretched to an hour-and-a-half.
Idle Hands (1999) *
Directed by Rodman Flender. Devon Sawa, Seth Green and Vivica A.Fox. Sawa plays a lazy couch potato whose right hand becomes possesed by an evil force. After slaughtering everyone in sight, he finally decides to chop it off. This is a perfect Hollywood film to be denounced by the right-wing guardians of morality in the aftermath of the Colorado shooting - gory, violent, immoral and totally insensitive to human suffering. It's poorly made, too.
Gloria (1999) *
Directed by Sidney Lumet. With Sharon Stone, George C.Scott and Jeremy Northam. This remake of John Cassevetes' most conventional and least original work, still manages to be inferior in every respect. The plot, once again, involves a gun moll (Stone) saving a little boy from gangsters. But unlike Gena Rowlands' trigger-happy, hard-as-nails action heroine from the original, Stone's Gloria is a wimpy bimbo who hardly ever fires a gun. In this particular instance, the latent pedophilic subtext is more amusing than disturbing, but try to imagine a film where a 6-year-old-girl tells an adult man that she likes to sleep with him.
Virtual Sexuality (1999) *
Directed by Nick Hurran. With Laura Fraser, Rupert Penry-Jones and Luke DeLacey. A cute and vivacious teenage flirt (Fraser) steps inside some kind of virtual-reality machine and... to reveal more would spoil the most delightful plot twist this side of The Sixth Sense. (Don't worry if you've read somewhere that she has created a perfect man - that's not the whole story and it won't give away the surprise). But if you want a clue, think of a certain comedy starring Tom Hanks. Unfortunately, save for that plot twist, the movie is quite lame.
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